US Weekly recently reported that reality TV star Kim Kardashian and rapper/producer Kanye West are expecting a baby girl in July. While the couple has yet to confirm this, it’s safe to say that if this is true, Lil’ Kimye will be one of the most bizarre, spoiled, outlandish, and entertaining people to ever walk the Earth.
Frankly, I’m afraid, and you should be too. Yes: this child will be weirder and cooler than you’ll ever be, but she also has to grow up with two of the craziest parents a kid could ask for. While Kim and Yeezy may very well be amazing, loving, nurturing parents, there are numerous red flags suggesting they might not be the best two people to procreate. Below are the top five reasons why we should be a little bit worried (Warning: some of the following lines of lyrics are graphic):
1. “Have you ever had sex with a pharaoh? I put the p*ssy in a sarcophagus. Now she claimin’ that I bruised her esophagus; head of the class, and she just want a 'swallow-ship'...” — Kanye West, “Monster”
Also, this whole g**damn video...
2. “You been with her 10 years, you deserve a menage. Especially if you put that BMW in that garage...” — Kanye West, “Birthday Song”
3. “Give head, stop, breathe, get up, check your weave...” — Kanye West, “The New Workout Plan”
The song is more satirical than anything else, but still ...
4. “You know what yo? You a b*tch. You should have a travel agent, ‘cause you a trip. You should make your own toilet tissue since you the sh*t. But all you got is some f*ckin’ issues, you f*ckin’ b*tch...” — Kanye West, “Deuces (Remix)”
(No video for this one unfortunately)
5. And then there’s mama: sex tape with Ray-J (of all people), shotgun marriage to the BK Nets’ backup power forward ... the list goes on.
We don’t hate you Kim, we just need you to do better.