CPAC 2013: Top Quotes You May Have Missed

If you haven’t been camped out in front of a TV watching CSPAN coverage of CPAC 2013, chances are you’ve missed a lot of great quotes. That’s okay, because I’ve put everything into my CPAC Quote Aggregator. Here are some of the best, in their pure, distilled form, (you know, for St. Patrick’s Day).

"One of the biggest victims of the nanny alarmist state has been plastics." - CPAC Panelist 

This person is right. For too long have plastics been marginalized and castigated to the outskirts of our political discourse. If I want to consume chemicals that mimic estrogen inside the body, that’s my choice! This is America damn it land of the free and the penile dysfunctional. 

“You cannot out-victimize Douglass. I don’t care what kind of categories. Nobody can out-victimize Douglass, a runaway slave … Slavery is based on the distorted philosophy of taking the fruits of one man’s labor and giving it to another so that he can remain idle … Douglass believed in assimilation. Now do you understand why you don’t hear too much about Douglass?”  - K Carl Smith

It’s long been known that if you align yourself with a historic Person of Color, anything you do in the present cannot be considered racist. Slavery was also apparently not about the  total violation and abuse of African Americans human, political, and civil rights, but rather just an allegory for the ills of socialism.

“I’m going to re-think America’s involvement in the first World War” - Rep Steve King (R-Iowa)

I don’t know dude, you might be a little late on that one. 

"Vietnam was winnable, but people in Washington decided we would not win it." Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas)

Who can forget the famed "We can totally win this insurgent ground war, just give us a Yes or No" cable from the Defense Department, to which Lyndon B. Johnson famously responded, "Nah."

On the possible field of Democrats running in 2016 which include Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden, “looks like a re-run of the Golden Girls.” - Rep. Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.)

Mitch, please. You are six years old than Hillary Clinton. Plus, who wouldn’t want to watch that episode of Golden Girls? Biden is obviously Rose. 

"The one thing a violent rapist deserves to face is a good woman with a gun." ~NRA President and virulent women’s rights advocate Wayne LaPierre

This is of course opposed to the millions of women and men who came face-to-face with passive rapists. Also, we all know guns are never used during the commission of a crime.

"Economics is not brain surgery." - Dr. Ben Carson

Damn it Jim, I’m a neurosurgeon not an economist. 

"The Democrats reduced women to their vaginas" in the War on Women last year, "which they [Democrats] waged." - Random CPAC Attendee 

Yes, see conservatives really have it nailed here, I don’t want to be reduced to a vagina, I just want to have things involuntarily inserted into it.

"Republicans who vote for tax increases are rat heads in a Coke bottle." - Grover Norquist 

I don't even know.