Sarah Palin CPAC Speech Surpasses Our Wildest Fever Dreams

Sarah Palin stood before a delighted crowd at CPAC on Satuday, triumphantly holding up a Big Gulp like a diabetic Statue of Liberty. The former governor may have just found a new career on the conservative convention comedy circuit.

Palin spoke to an exuberant crowd of CPAC attendees on the closing day of the convention. Her speech was filled with the one-liners she has come to be known for, and Palin spent the majority of her time calling President Obama a liar and making at least one sexually suggestive remark. She went there with the purpose of entertaining the crowd, which it appears she did. Often times the audience whooped and chanted for her to run for office ... not that that is something she is likely to do. Palin seems comfortable and at home in giving speeches of little relevance. 

"More background checks? Dandy idea, Mr. President. Should’ve started with yours."

Palin was doing a bad job at making a veiled birther reference. She also spent a little time talking about the Republican establishment, saying that the GOP establishment is caught reading their stage directions aloud too often. She also criticized Karl Rove, who recently said that Republicans must pick more electable candidates. "The last thing we need is Washington, D.C., vetting our candidates."

At one point she took a long sip from a Big Gulp, to the delight of onlookers who rose to their feet. "Bloomberg’s not around, our Big Gulp’s safe. We’re cool. Shoot, it’s just pop!" That's an obvious reference to the Mayor’s attempt to ban soda beverages over 16-ounces.Hardly what you'd call constructive.

Palin's speech did not seek to solve any of the issues facing the conservative movement. She even denounced the so-called rebranding! Palin said the conservative movement isn’t rebranding itself, it’s rebuilding a country. 

Her advice to college Republicans? Don’t drink more Sam Adams, read more Sam Adams. Thanks Sarah!

The speech wasn’t meant to be one of substance and in that, Sarah Palin succeeded beyond even her wildest imagination.

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Andrea Ayres-Deets

PM Politics Intern- M.A. in Writing from the University of Warwick. Lover of sci-fi, awkward situations, and coffee.

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