3 Easy Ways Any College Graduate Can Make a Million Dollars

The financial crisis has taken its toll on all of us, and millennials with freshly minted degrees from every state are bearing the brunt of the previous generation's misdeeds, distortions of the truth and straight-up lies. 

If you're freshly out of college and pissed that you can't find a job, let alone that job with a seven-figure salary your college promised you, due to the incompetence of others, then let me reassure you that there are ways anybody with the tenacity to complete a college degree can make a million bucks. All it takes is some creativity, the same dedication you needed to complete your political science or psychology degree, and a willingness to release yourself from pesky ethical constructs your classmates in the business, law, and finance schools never bothered to consider.

Since you, as an honest, hard-working college grad may never have considered pursuing a profession outside of your field of study, here are three ways that you too can put that degree to use and make your first million:

1. Start Selling Drugs

Drug sales are first on the list because this recession-proof industry is the sure way to make millions of dollars. In fact, the more uncertain the times, the more the drug market booms! Take it from Roche pharmaceuticals where in 2008, the height of the great recession, the company's total revenue was about $45 billion with a nearly 23% profit margin. I know when I put it that way it sure sounds like this must have been a tough time for the industry, but 23% profit is actually a pretty good return on investment considering the shaky economy. 

Why this million-dollar idea is for you:

While you may not plan on producing these products yourself, resale is still a highly profitable endeavour. With states starting to legalize recreational marijuana use, now is a great time to get in on the ground floor and beat others to the punch by establishing yourself as a trusted, caring local drug lord (people love shopping local). It's a growth industry with 7,100 new users every day in the U.S. Plus, with 18.1 million people reporting having used in the last month and 5 million on average using every day, how can a jobless, educated millennial justify not getting involved in this booming industry? Your parents will be proud that their son or daughter has finally started generating some serious income, and your former economics professors may just invite you back to share some free samples and speak to their classes on how paying close attention to market trends can yield major results.

How to get started:

Remember that street corner with those guys holding those "Honk for Hemp" signs? Ask them, they'll point you in right direction.

2. Get Elected to Congress

Forty-seven percent of Congress members are millionaires, the rest are first-termers who haven't signed book deals yet. And even if you don't reach millionaire status in Congress, at least you get health care for life! Plus, think about all the people who will want a congressperson (current or former) to come speak at any number of events, write columns and throw the first baseballs. Just be smart and you'll be a millionaire in no time! 

Why this million-dollar idea is for you:

Because you got your master's in library science, one of the lowest paid and most highly educated groups of people in the US. Fortunately for you, the only prerequisite to running for Congress is being 25 years of age. Basically, as long as you run in the right district, in the right political party, and spout the appropriate rhetoric, you don't actually need to know anything about governance – it's just like being a member of a boy band who, despite actually knowing nothing about music, gets buckets of cash just to look good and act the right way in front of an audience. To top it all off, it's another of those recession-proof industries because politicians are needed, in both the best and worst of times, if only as comic relief as they attempt to help us all understand that the Internet is, in fact, a series of tubes (R.I.P. Sen. Ted Stevens). 

How to get started:

Move to a district where you can run as the strongly pro-life/pro-choice, gay-loving/marriage-protecting, tax-reducing/welfare-advocating candidate who serves as pillar of community values. Just pick the appropriate rhetoric for whichever district you move to and be the strongest advocate for whatever you're claiming to believe. Also, it helps to find a district where you can run unopposed.

3. File a Lawsuit

You know you've been wronged in your life by someone or other, so do what the pros do and take them to court! A civil lawsuit can result in lots of money for both you and your lawyers. For the lazy millennial, this is your best choice for making millionaire status.

Why this million-dollar idea is for you:

Because you can sit back, relax and let the lawyers do all the work. Look, we've all been hurt by someone or some organization, and it's time that they pay you for your suffering! The appeal of this idea is the sheer ease. Remember that frat party where that drunk guy broke your toe by stepping on it too hard, neither does he, so he's not too likely to be able to defend himself. Just make sure to pick a guy who has wealthy family connections, otherwise, it's best to sue a company or doctor because they tend to have insurance against legal claims. 

How to get started:

Once you've selected a target, find a lawyer who can help you "massage the truth" until any evidence you have fits the claim you are making. They will handle all the steps necessary, and for a modest fee, help you get rich without having to do an ounce of work. Your college education will help you make the smart decisions, like picking the right target, lawyer and settlement amount goals, that lead to the most return on your claim. Repeat the lawsuit process until you have made enough money to be satisfied. Remember, you can always file another claim again later if you need more money or want to become a multimillionaire.