The Nutella thieves are back — and this time, they're not messing around.
Unable to resist the appeal of the delicious chocolate hazelnut spread, thieves in Niederaula, Germany stole 5.5 tons of Nutella from a truck presumably full of the delightful treat. Interestingly, this town has been the victim of thievery in bulk before, as it also recently "lost" several tons of Red Bull.
How much is nearly 6 tons of the gooey, chocolatey loot worth? Try $20,710.
While it seems obvious why college students would be stealing the chocolate waterfall of goodness with an ever-so-slight hint of nutty flavor (because it's expensive, man), what use would thieves have for all that Nutella?
An intrepid reporter from German newspaper The Local asked Hessian police spokesman Manfred Knoch if it appeared the thieves were preparing to have the best breakfast of their lives*.
"That's what it looks like," Knoch replied, presumably before repeating himself for effect and riding his gorgeous Nutella-colored stallion into the sunset.
But, apparently, Nutella hoarding is a practice not unheard of. With rumors swirling that the decadent spread may be banned or taxed all too often, especially in Europe, perhaps one can never be too careful when it comes to ensuring one's children will be able to enjoy Nutella for themselves.
I mean, look at these stories of recent Nutella virgins experiencing the smooth, flavorful taste for the first time. Heather was "shocked when I discovered I had eaten the whole jar all on my own." Kayla now "craves it every second of the day." Julie described it as "pure heaven." Who could really consider denying these people these joys?
On a darker note (though not quite as dark as the sight of your spoon disappearing into a new jar of Nutella as you prepare "just one" spoonful for yourself), some speculate that the energy drink theft and the Nutella theft are related — is there an explosive one can make by mixing the two? Is there a third ingredient we should be protecting before that is stolen too?
Stealing is bad, don't get me wrong. But the idea that someone would go to these lengths to make away with tons of this sugary jar of wonder (but the commercial says it's healthy!) is at least a little humorous. Best of luck to Knoch and the police department on catching the criminals — but I won't blame them if they join them for a meal before making arrests.
* mildly sensationalized