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On top of his video games, years of playing football and coaching, John Madden is known for his infamous tendency to form incoherent sentences, speak in onomatopoeia, and state the obvious. After 29 years of sometimes laughable commentary, we would like to wish John Madden a happy 77th birthday (albeit a day late) with these 18 classic Madden moments.

1. “What's the toughest thing in a professional football game? It's being the mother of the quarterback — toughest thing.”

Because we all know that this hit on Reggie Bush was more painful for his mother than it was for Bush himself.

2. “Hey, the offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field, they're bigger than everybody else, and that's what makes them the biggest guys on the field.”

Seems logically sound to me!

3. “He got up looking out of his earhole!”

God only knows what John was thinking with this one.

4. “Here's a guy who can use his arms and legs at the same time.”

With talent like that, no wonder he made it to the big leagues!

5. “Usually the team with the most points wins the game!


6. John Madden once drew a penis on national television.

7. “Here's a guy who when he runs, he moves faster.”

For those of you who move slower when you run, it might be time to consider a career in something other than football.

8. “Boom, boom, foom, poom! He just ran right at 'em!”

Kapang bang pang rang! Look everyone, I’m speaking in Madden-talk!

9. “They'll score if they can just get into the endzone.”

I really wish that Twitter had existed when John Madden was an announcer. The hashtag “#MaddenLogic” could have gone viral every Monday night! 

10. “You can't win a game if you don't score any points.”


11. “Playing in this nice weather really makes me remember all the times I got stung by a bee.”

Sometimes you had to wonder ‘did John really pay attention to the game?’

12. “There definitely needs to be water on the sidelines for these players, but I also had some Gatorade just in case they were allergic to the water or vice versa.”

I pray every night for those who are allergic to water and forced to drink Gatorade their entire life.

13. “There’s a lot of letters in Ladanian Tomlinson.”

17, to be exact.

14. “If this team doesn’t put points on the board I don’t see how they can win.”

John really liked to emphasize the “you can’t win without points” thing.

15. “Some yards is better than none yards?”

This quote brings “I’m Ron Burgundy?” to mind.

16. “Here’s a guy, here’s a guy who when he puts his contacts in, he can see better.”

It’s like he’s a super-hero or something!

17. “Well, when you're playing good football, it's good football and if you don't have good football, then you're not really playing good football.”

In other words, if something is happening, it’s happening, and if it’s not happening, it isn’t happening.

18. And, of course, who could forget this classic John Madden advertisement spoof:

Happy Birthday, John.