Everything You Know About Breasts is Wrong, Says One Man in France

Earlier this week the male species got some news about penises, and now apparently karmic justice has reaped its terrible retribution upon me. Everything we’ve ever known about breasts is apparently wrong. Bras don’t make our lady lumps bouncier, they can actually make them more "saggy." "Saggy," as we all know, is the scientific word used for a breast lacking in tone and muscle tissue. 


This 15-year study was conducted by Jean-Denis Rouillon from the University of Besançon. The results of the study declare that, “bras are a false necessity.” According to Rouillon, "Medically, physiologically, anatomically - breasts gain no benefit from being denied gravity. On the contrary, they get saggier with a bra.” 


Equipped with nothing more than a slide rule and caliper, Rouillon spent the better part of the last 15-years measuring the changes in breast orientation of 330 women. The participants in the study were aged 18 to 35. Yes, with nothing more than his hands and a cold ruler this brave man toiled in the most desperate of conditions at the University Hospital in Besançon.



Women who did not wear a bra experienced a 7mm lift in their nipples each year they went without a bra. Rouillon, however, warned women in their forties that this was no time to stop wearing a bra. “It would be of no benefit to a 45-year old mother to stop wearing a bra.”


In Conclusion: Science?


Better yet, let's just leave what clothing people choose to wear up to them. 

What do you think about this study? Sounds like a bunch of malarkey to me, let me know on Twitter @missafayres

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Andrea Ayres-Deets

PM Politics Intern- M.A. in Writing from the University of Warwick. Lover of sci-fi, awkward situations, and coffee.

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