Feminism Will Destroy Russia, Says Elderly Russian Literal Patriarch

Although most would argue that tolerating female oppression is what leads to the disintegration of society, the head of the Russian Orthodox Church believes the opposite is true.

During a meeting with the Union of Orthodox Ukrainian Women in Moscow, Patriarch Kirill said that feminism is an evil phenomenon that very much like the plague, will destroy Russia. Yes because nothing destroys society quite ladies having equal rights. Pow! Crash! Boom!


Kirill who also happens to be Vladimir Putin's strong ally, is worried that women are too busy filling their lady brains with thoughts and not enough time filling their wombs with children. "If this incredibly important function of women is destroyed then everything will be destroyed the family and, if you wish, the motherland." the patriarch said. "Man has his gaze turned outward he must work, make money and woman must be focused inwards, where her children are, where her home is."

I feel you, super old Russian patriarch. Working moms are the worst. They always think that they're human beings with like ambition and stuff. Ugh! Don't they know the only thing they're good at is baby-making!? Also, when they try and work outside the home, they ruin society by being 5 minutes late for soccer practice, re-heating leftovers for dinner, or doing crazy stuff like this:


or this:


C'mon working moms! Get it together! If you don't quit your job and raise children, who will? It's not like an overwhelming number of studies demonstrate that fathers' involvement in childcare leads to kids' increased intellect and wellbeing. Or that working actually lowers depression rates for mothers. Feminism makes everyone miserable. If you're not sure, just consult every stock photo ever made of a working mother. Having a job always turns women into distracted white baby-haters.



That's why Kiril said that he considers "this phenomenon called feminism very dangerous, because feminist organisations proclaim the pseudo-freedom of women, which, in the first place, must appear outside of marriage and outside of the family." 

Well it's a good thing women's rights are totally absent from Russia's political agenda then! I'm so relieved that in a country where one in four families experience domestic violence, where 40 women die every day from spousal abuse, and where domestic violence is still not recognized as a real crime, there are figures of state that are committed to reducing women's autonomy outside the home. We all know that keeping women financially dependant on men is the first step to ending domestic abuse. Right? Oh, it's actually what often prevents women from leaving their abusive partner and perpetuates the cycle of violence?

Women are people. They deserve autonomy, independence, and full control over their lives like everyone else. It's despairing that statements like these still have to be made in 2013. I guess it shows how far we still have left to go.

Outraged? Distresses? Pissed-off? Let me know on Twitter: @feministabulous 

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Elizabeth Plank

Elizabeth is a Senior Correspondent at Mic and the host of Flip the Script.

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