Step Aside Jean Dujardin, Oscars Best Actor Award Goes to Mitt Romney

As Jean Dujardin won the best actor Oscar at the Academy Awards last night, I'm thinking about a different actor that should have lined up all the golden trophies next to his Harvard diploma. Jean Dujardin would not have been able to compete had Mitt Romney been nominated. 

Jumping right in, Romney has no competition in the Best Visual Effects category. With the artistry of his neat, slicked-back cut of hair, the illusory effect of his ebony brown eyes, and the white light bouncing off his dentist approved smile, this one's a given.

Romney wins in the Best Original Song category as well. Better than President Obama singing Al Green, Mitt Romney warbling "America, the Beautiful" might not be an original song, but it definitely is original. 

Mitt Romney is also the ultimate refashioning and assimilating champion. He claimed the recovery of the auto industry was the result of an enactment of his own ideas. During a Florida debate, Romney stole the most outlandish approach to immigration from the satirical website selfdeport.org. But the clincher is, of course, his nabbing of the basic principles from Obamacare and morphing them into Romneycare. With this adeptness at readjustment, Romney would snatch Best Adapted Screenplay as well.

And now the grand finale. His acting skills might not always impress, including his far from tear-jerking confessions ("I’m also unemployed"), his classic point-to-someone-you-know move and the stumbling ways he tries to avoid questions. But Romney always exudes confidence, even when speaking at an empty Detroit football field. His perfect execution of flip-flopping roles on topics ranging from immigration and global warming to his favorite book are also laudable. But the overwhelming factor is his flawless role as a ‘severe conservative.’ He’s promised to cut the gov’t workforce, has fought gay marriage, and balanced the budget in Massachusetts. All this when only ten years ago he was a self-described “moderate” with “progressive views.” With such an outstanding performance, there’s no competition.

Don’t agree? Comment below on which candidates you think would win these awards.

Photo Credit: nmfbihop