Donald Trump Promises to Preserve the Sanctity Of Bikini Contests

Everyone knows Donald Trump is a noble man of great causes. When he's not calling government whistleblower Edward Snowden a "bad guy" or crusading against his (fantasy) fear of a Kenyan-born American president, he's busy fighting our world's biggest problems: the war to keep bikini-contests free, legal, and accessible. Or something like that. Judging by his interview this morning with Fox And Friends, the possibility of a Muslim occupation of beauty contests is imminent and you should be worried.

After being informed that Miss World has decided to swap its skimpy bikini contest for a booooringly non-objectifiying sarong competition because the event is taking place in Indonesia this year, he lost it. Trump couldn't accept that cultural sensitivity could ever come as the cost of bikinis.

"Well I own Miss Universe so I'm actually very happy about it because if [Miss World doesn't] have bikinis their ratings are gonna go right down the tubes."

Hear, that Muslims? Trump has no intention of giving into your iron fist. He knows that sarongs are just a slippery slope to the burqa. Clearly, there are no in betweens here, ladies! When asked what he thought a burqa competition would look like he sarcastically responded "Oh wouldn't that be beautiful." HAHAHA, yeah. Because we all know women can only beautiful when they're half-naked. Duh. 

Adjie S. Soeratmadjie, a representative from the RCTI, the broadcaster of the show, doesn't see a problem with the program modification because the country houses a large Muslim population. She claims that the change has already been approved by the London-based Miss World Organization. "There will no bikini in this year's Miss World pageant to respect our traditional customs and values," she told Yahoo News. "I don't think Indonesia is the only country that has that culture," she continued. "But we like to work in the manner respectful to every country, and I cannot see why when you go to somebody's country you should not behave respectfully." 

This whole conversation just reminds me of this.

And makes me want to do this.

How hard are you banging your head right now? Let me know on Twitter: @feministabulous