Working from home is great, right? Maybe not ... here are a few reasons why I don't recommend it.
I just shaved my knees! I mean like, I JUST shaved my knees. Didn’t even know there was hair I was missing there. There is!
Since when did it take four coats of moisturizer for my skin to stop flaking off when I scratch an itch? I thought all legs were part alligator.
You’re welcome, small Hispanic cleaning lady across 97th Street. Some people pay good money for this kind of thing.
Now you get to do it all the time! And come to the sad realization that you 60-year-old mother has now entirely eclipsed you on fashion know-how, and that you are destined to die alone.
The world is your oyster! Twenty-one and single, living in New York City? What could be better?!
Except being the 21 and committed couple you see walking through Bridle Path in Central Park every day while you walk your dog. That might be better.
Which will be great! Once they call you back, once they find a free minute in their crazy busy schedules at their crazy awesome internships with their craaaazy awesome bosses and super crazy fun intern friends. You didn’t really want to talk to them anyhow.
You can finally begin and finish those masterful manuscripts and novellas you’ve had bouncing around your head for months now, unable to unlock the gate of obligations that has been preventing your scores of imaginative and flourishing ideas from materializing into best-selling works of fiction and non-fictions, earning you adoring praise from major newsstand publications and figures of prominence. But hey, yeah, Thought Catalog and maybe a few likes on Facebook will do.
Nothing better than sitting down to a home cooked meal with your parents who are so glad your home — but isn’t it time you went out and really did something? Don’t you get lonely sitting around the apartment all day? Don’t you have any friends in town or anything? Not that we don’t love having you around, dear, we do! But we just hate to see you sitting in your pajamas all day. No, we never said there was anything wrong with sitting in your pajamas! Yes, your pajamas are fashionable and chic. And you look great in them.
Your Pinterest page is filled with healthy, delicious looking recipes that you’ve just been dying to try. Now or never, baby! Let’s see those avocado and shrimp tostadas! Bring on the raspberry white chocolate scones! DIY the crap out of some edible-sugar-cookie ice cream bowls! It’s on your “Things I Will Someday Make” board, and that someday is now! Or maybe tomorrow. Possibly Sunday. There is still a quarter loaf of bread in the fridge and that sharp cheddar is probably going to go bad if someone doesn’t eat it, so…
Hey, finishing up the carton of macaroni salad means you can eat right out of the plastic container. No dishes in the sink! Added bonus: the environment loves you.
Tina Fey’s Bossypants lies next to them, screaming your name. You’ll probably learn more from her than John Steinbeck, anyway.
All right I just … yeah. I mean. Daytime television. Come on.