Unpretentious philistines everywhere rejoice: A recent study suggests that it is too hard for even experts to differentiate the taste between wines. Statistically-apt wine collector Robert Hodgson ran a scientific test on the illustrious judges at the California state fair wine competition, and found that only 10% of judges could tell that they were being given the same exact wine multiple times. There is other mounting scientific evidence that suggests that people inherently differentiate a bottle of wines quality by its cost and its bottle. Effectively speaking, this uppity domain of human knowledge is unraveling in credence, and the people who thought "all wines taste the same" are largely vindicated.

I will not defend wine snobs for their physiological dearth of actual wine discrepancy recognition, despite the wonders a tasty bottle of swill does to a culture. Indeed, I do like a classy wine, but I love the truth more than anything else. And, for all intents and purposes, there you have it, for those of us that could sweep that "potent potables" category on Jeopardy!, the verdict is in: You thought that you liked the finer details of the finer things, but you were actually just puffing up your chest in false sophistication, getting drunk on fermented juicy juice, and using adjectives.

I encourage any attempt by science to further dispel liberal artsy notions of subjective quality. You think cigarettes calms you down? Well, a guy in lab coat just disproved that, guess you were just trying to be cool, huh? Isn't that painting a masterpiece? No, it's just a bunch of polygons randomly arranged! You think you like the New Yorker? Guess what, science doesn't believe you! 

So, to the tastemakers out there, I encourage you to forget everything you are told, for the truth awaits, and it is below the reach from the perch of a high horse.