Comic Con is upon us and pathetically designed costumes are coming. “N00bs,” who don’t respect the fact that “cosplaying” is a tribute, think it’s just another fun thing to do. If you have ever used any of the costumes below or plan to anytime in the future, know that you are not a cosplayer; you are an intellectually lazy and culturally uninformed Halloween reject.
So, without further ado, here are the 25 worst costumes you can wear to Comic-Con.
1. L—Death Note
Oh, look — you actually managed to put on sweatpants and a t-shirt. Congratulations. And if you haven’t seen the show yet, spoiler alert: L dies half way into the series; it sucks after that.
2. Ash Ketchum—Pokemon
Cool costume, bro! Did your mom help you make it?
3. Princess Leia—Star Wars
I notice that you either stopped watching sci-fi after the 70s, or started watching after George Lucas took over as director. Either way, good for you.
4. Spock—Star Trek
You may live long, but you will never prosper. If there ever was a true “Picard facepalm” moment, it would be your sad, miserable attempt at cosplay.
5. Master Chief—Halo
The character never shows emotion, never changes his tone and never even removes his helmet. By dressing up as him, I’m certain you have brought much excitement to the proceedings.
6. Goku—Dragon Ball Z
Have you seen any anime that came out this decade? Or the one before? Or the one before that?
7. Zangief—Street Fighter
A hairy wrestler from a game so culturally aware that it actually depicts the USSR stage as a yard in front of a factory with workers in hardhats cheering on. Don’t worry, I’m not questioning your open-mindedness; I’m questioning your intelligence.
8. Random Hot Chick/Buff Dude
Because you’re in good shape, you assumed you could simply throw on a swimsuit or a leotard and call it cosplaying? No, beautiful people; it’s called stripping, and you’re literally paying to do it.
9. Chewbacca—Star Wars
The only thing in the universe more pathetic than Jar Jar Binks … and you found it. And I know this is the second entry on Star Wars; you guys have earned the special attention.
10. Indiana Jones—Indiana Jones
Did you intentionally choose a blatantly racist character portrayed by an actor whose career is way past its expiration date, or was that just an accident?
11. Optimus Prime—Transformers
Michael Bay brought this franchise to theaters, and you want to know a little secret? He made it exactly as awesome as it always was.
12. The Joker—Batman
Let me guess? The only quotes of his that you know are from The Dark Knight, right? Oh, no—you actually saw him first on Batman: The Animated Series. That’s so much better.
13. Johnny Bravo—Johnny Bravo
There’s a reason this guy gets tasered by women despite having both good intentions and a ridiculously chiseled bod; he’s a jerk. And by dressing up as him, so are you.
14. Popeye—Popeye the Sailor man
Unless you can somehow open a can of spinach straight into your mouth, you are picking one of the most useless and anatomically disturbing characters in history. Seriously, those uber-inflated arms might be a sign of disease or something.
Awww, you saw him in that Wolverine movie for 20 seconds and thought he was funny … so cute.
16. Fred Flinstone—The Flinstones
Yabba dabba no.
To quote someone wise, “I liked this show better when it was called Dragon Ball Z.” What is it, like the 400th episode now?
18. Aang—Avatar: The Last Airbender
Stop hating on M. Night Shyamalan; he made that movie just as good as the show itself.
19. Wonder Woman—Wonder Woman
Hollywood has made a Green Lantern film, two Supermans, and three in a row for Batman, but no Wonder Woman. Want to guess why?
Yay, there have been three X-Men films where he was the main character, he then got one spin-off of his own and is about to get another in a few more days; I absolutely needed to see more of him.
This Matt Groening show has written its series finale like four times; The Simpsons will soon start its 25th season. Take a hint.
22. Anyone From Game of Thrones or The Walking Dead
The shows have their redeeming qualities; their fans do not.
23. Gordon Freeman—Half Life
Freeman isn’t shown in any of the games; there’s a lesson here, if you’re willing to learn.
24. Walter White—Breaking Bad
Congratulations; you officially sympathize with a meth-dealing killer. Be sure to root for him when his product comes to a neighborhood near you.
25. Guy Fawkes Mask—V For Vendetta
Did Phantom of the Opera come off Broadway again?
How do you feel about the plethora of awfulness at Comic-Con? Share your experiences in the comments below.