Study Says Sex Makes People Happier — "Duh," Says Everyone

A new paper published by the Institute for the Study of Labor reports that researchers have come to the groundbreaking conclusion that yes, sexual activity does indeed have a strong correlation with happiness. Not only that, but having more sex means better health and higher wages, so that whole evolutionary perpetuating-the-human-race thing is now sitting in solid fourth place on the list of top 10 reasons you should get it on regularly.

According to the study, individuals who had sex more than four times a week had 5% higher wages than those who didn’t, which means your coworkers that are always skipping out early from work to have some good old fashioned intercourse with their partners are not only getting laid more often than you are, they’re making more money too. The higher wage effect remained true even when other factors came into play, like education or sexual orientation.

Adding even more benefits, the study found that those who had more frequent sexual activity also had lower rates of arthritis, heart disease, and diabetes — because, cardio.  

When conducting the study, researchers surveyed 7,500 Greek citizens between the ages of 26 and 50. Their paper sets to right the wrong committed by the “bulk of economic literature” that primarily looks at boring “skills” like “education” and “actual work experience” when finding correlations with wages. These researchers, though, have their priorities straight: “We are interested in documenting potential interactions between individuals’ characteristics and wages and sexual activity,” their paper states. Maybe that sounds a little pervy, but it’s in the name of science, so why not?

Really though, the study authors are quite sweet. “People need to love and be loved, sexually and non-sexually,” author Nick Drydakis said in an interview with the New York Daily News. No word yet on which Taylor Swift song he ripped that from.

The study, however, wasn’t quite clear on whether or not the sexual activity caused higher wages. Perhaps higher wages lead to more frequent sex — proving once and for all that happiness can be bought.

“Higher wages may increase purchase of gifts that are thanked for via sex,” writes Drydakis in his paper, sending everyone running to their nearest Brookstone.

Whichever it is, everyone can rest easy knowing that sex and money still go hand in hand. Unless you aren’t having sex four times a week. In that case, you better get on Tinder.