McDonald's Grilled Onion Cheddar Burger. Wendy's Pretzel Bacon Cheeseburger. Taco Bell's Waffle Taco. The fast food wars prophesied in Sylvester Stallone's Demolition Man are upon us, and the competition is cutthroat.
Which is why Burger King's new entry, the BK French-Fry Burger, seems a little, um ... sad.
Burger King is faced with some pretty serious challenges in the U.S. Same-store sales in the U.S. fell 3% in the first quarter of 2013, and by the second quarter there were 31 less BK locations than in 2012.
But BK's new burger is literally just their standard dollar burger with four french fries added, a pretty lackluster creative effort by what one can only imagine is the world's most overpaid marketing team.
Daniel Gross of The Daily Beast calls it "carb overkill" and a "pretty weak effort," saying "the notion of adding fries to the burger is the opposite of gilding the lily — takes a passable experience and makes it materially worse." Daily Finance calls it "silly" and a "loser."
Worse, it's not even something new. It's their menu, barely reshuffled. Here are 10 other fictional Burger King items just marginally less sad than the French Fry Burger:
1. Hash Brown Burger
It's like a burger, except instead of buns, it has hash browns.
Also, the lettuce is hash browns.
You are also hash browns. Embrace it.
2. Tons O' Bun Burger
Blast from the past! Just like peasants in ye olden days, when we all were slavishly devoted to ye olde Burger Kinge!
Made with real bun. For budget and health conscious customers.
3. Pancake Burger
Did you know we serve pancakes? You do now! Because we wrapped a burger in some pancakes.
We are good at our jobs.
4. WWE Raw Burger
This wrestling-themed item is made with real, uncooked *beef!
*Burger King is not responsible for any exposure to pathogens, virii, or parasites caused by consumption of the Raw Burger. Burger King is not even thinking about being held responsible for consumption of the Raw Burger, so don't even try.
* Raw Burger contains 55% real beef.
5. Soda Burger
Why dip your Whopper in your Dr. Pepper when we can serve it to you already in the Dr. Pepper?
6. Pulled Pork Salad
All of the pork you could ever eat, with all of the fresh greeny goodness you don't want to. Comes with our famous Italian dressing.
7. BK Pickleshake (tm)
Do not be misled by the image. This is a pickle milkshake.
8. An Apple
Normally, we slice these.
9. Onion Un-Rings
It's a whole onion, fried. Is this what it takes?
10. BK Burger French-Fries
Our newest selection, we take some french fries and add a burger to it.