This Woman Thinks Your Teenage Daughter is a Slut
Some days I find it hard to breathe.
Kim Hall is the Director of the Women’s ministry at All Saints PCA in Austin, Texas. She is also a "mommy blogger" — a self-imposed titles that irks me from the start. A recent post from her blog has left me equal parts breathless and nauseous today. The post is titled, "FYI (if you’re a teenaged girl)."
Here's the brief of it: She wants girls to stop posting certain types of photos on their Facebook pages to protect her teenage sons.
Her tone is nauseating, fake, and ridiculous. I can only assume that she's hoping kids will think she’s super cool! "Wow — you sure took a bunch of selfies in your PJs this summer! Your bedrooms are so cute!"
Her parenting is terrifying. "If you are friends with a Hall boy on Facebook or Instagram or Twitter, then you are friends with the whole Hall family." This condescending mother apparently shamelessly stalks her sons' Facebook accounts. I'm left to wonder why they have Facebook accounts at all.
Her main concern is photos she deems too sexy or revealing. "Did you know that once a male sees you in a state of undress, he can’t quickly un-see it? You don’t want our boys to only think of you in this sexual way, do you?"
So, let me get this straight. This woman has raised such dreadful human beings that if they see a girl in a sexy pose all they can see is a body to have sex with? If I was a man or the mother of sons, I would be furious at this woman for stating, unapologetically, that men are pigs.
Hall's post is slut shaming at its worst, and she, and everyone like her, are responsible for perpetuating the "boys will be boys" garbage that has gotten us in this mess in the first place. Ultimately, this woman is saying that her sons are incapable of seeing women as equal human beings unless they are packaged in a muted, non-sexual manner. Therefore, mute your daughters so I don’t have to teach my sons to behave like good human beings.
Meanwhile, here’s the photo she posted with the blog:
Talk about sexualized. These boys look primed and ready. Look at their faces and poses. They must be pretty stupid if they’re trying so hard to look so sexy, that is, using Hall’s "logic."
How dare she expose other peoples' children to such revealing, beefcake photos of her sons. The vision of their flesh will be forever burned into their eyes. How can anyone ever look upon them again and think of them as anything more than sexual fodder?
I am exhausted and disgusted by the double standard. How women choose to present themselves is always their choice. Victim shaming is never acceptable. And you are fully responsible for teaching your boys how to respect all girls.
I fear for her sons. She is teaching them that others are responsible for "protecting" them from material they can’t "handle." Instead, she should be teaching them that we live in a world where girls are shamefully overly sexualized and they have the chance to change that by seeing those photos and saying, "Cute pic," and not seeing it as an invitation to rape or slut-shame or otherwise minimize these young woman as people, which is precisely what Hall is doing.
And you know what? Whether adults like it or not, teenagers are sexual beings. So, when Hall says, "That post doesn’t reflect who you are at all! We think you are lovely and interesting, and usually very smart,” about a sexy picture that a young woman posts, she’s wrong.
It does reflect who they are. They are sexy and desirable AND they are smart and capable. And contrary to what Hall thinks, that is 100% possible. A sexy pic does not negate one being "lovely and interesting and smart."
That is the crux of this problem. Not only is Hall slut shaming, she is also suggesting that young women have to be one thing and that one thing should be what she defines and that definition should be based on male needs and desires. It’s ridiculous and offensive and shortsighted. And it has to stop.
This isn't ultimately about teenagers posting sexy pics. They shouldn't. They get copied and shared and it can be embarrassing and future employers might see them. This is about self-control and teaching the potential perpetrators instead of policing the potential victims.
I feel sad for Hall. I feel sad that she doesn’t feel capable of raising smart, respectful sons and so instead has to implore that the world to protect the wild beasts in her home from becoming the animals she clearly believes they are destined to be.
Hall needs to stop worrying about what others are posting and instead start getting her house in order by reminding herself that her role as a parent is to raise humans who are responsible for themselves and respectful of others no matter how arched their backs or pouty their lips.
