When Sarah Met Donald: Letters From Juno

Tod,

I've had quite the cuckaroo of a weekend here in this liberal media haven also know as New York City. I wasn't even going to come, but Mr. Trump convinced me to meet so we could discuss freedom, the right to kill animals from a personal helicopter using an Uzi, and our general fear of "Americans" with Middle Eastern-sounding names. I'll tell ‘ya Tod, that trump is a class act — gold faucets, gold door knobs, gold teeth on the colored fella’ who took my bags, first class all the way. Donald, "Big Don" as I like to call 'em, took to too Famous Familgia Pizzeria, in the Times Square they are known worldwide for bein’ the pizza in the city, i kno’ so because i read that on the door when i walked in. Our meal was amazing, Mr. Trump told me of his plan to leverage his amazing #1 show to take down the left wing conspiracy just like when Paul Revere warned the British about the aliens coming from Area 51 in Hawaii. 

As I was doin’ some fancy pageant walkin’ back to my hotel room, I noticed one o' those crazy robot movie machines. And do you know what I saw there, Tod? A movie based on our little town in Alaska. It was called "Juno."   

These Hollywood vultures made a movie about about Bristol and her bas...blessing, Trig. How do they get away with these things, Tod. Katie Kouric can attack me for not knowin' stuff about Canadia, and Obama can run around all willy nilly givin people healthcare and tryin’ to let boys marry boys, but some deliver worshiper named Diablo can make a complete movie about our little Britstol? They got so much of the story wrong.

We're from Wasilla, not Juno. The little girl in the movie is listenin’ to all these crazy grungy rockers, but our little fornicator is BSB for life. Remember that time we had to take her Nick Carter poster away? She cried for weeks. She wouldn't even eat her deep fried endangered elk for dinner. Ohhh parenting. Worst of all though they made it seem like our little girl gave up her kid to some hoity toitty health food eatin’ divorcee. I will not stand for this, Tod. I will refudiate this with all my power. When Saronald '12 is in charge America will return to the previous glory of Ronald Reagan. Keep your eye on Russia till I get home. 

Carribou Kisses, 

Sarah

Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons