'New Girl' Season 3, Episode 3 Recap: The Schmidt Hit the Fan

Ladies and gentlemen, the Schmidt hit the fan last night on New Girl.

After breaking up with Daisy, Winston is the sole single person in the loft, and is trying desperately to remain part of the gang. When he learns that a double date is in the works, he wants in ("double date plus one!" Jess cheers). He offers to get a reservation for five at a trendy restaurant. I've never tried to get a reservation at a trendy restaurant in Los Angeles, but if it's anything like New York City, he's screwed.


Photo courtesy Fox.

As are Nick and Jess, albeit in a different way, when Cece expresses her concern about Schmidt, who's been acting stranger than usual. The poor girl has no inkling he's being unfaithful. She just thinks he's on drugs. Nick, wanting desperately to not be involved, can only bear the conversation for so long before he's forced to flee, giving Cece an eyeful. He's kind enough to warn her first, saying, "Cece, I'm really sorry about this, but I'm going to stand up, and you're going to see my penis, and when I walk out of here, you're going to see my butt."


Photo courtesy Fox. (Sorry it's not a naked picture of Nick, ladies.)

Gentlemen, if you ever find you have to inadvertently expose yourself to a female friend, a polite warning and apology is both proper and appreciated. Hats off to Mr. Miller. Also, didn't Cece see the photo Nick accidentally sent to her bachelorette party?

Clothes on, Nick checks on Schmidt, worried that there might be some truth to Cece's concerns. There's something sweet about their friendship. They have a real brotherhood — though they often clash, they're there for each other when the chips are down. Nick, however, quickly finds himself in an impossible situation when Schmidt confesses the truth.

"In your little brain," Nick asks, "how do you see this ending?"

That's something we've all been wondering, Nick.

Schmidt replies, "Badly. I see it ending very badly." At least he has a modicum of self-awareness.


Photo courtesy Fox.

Nick is not upset that Schmidt is cheating, but that Schmidt is cheating on Jess' best friend. Nick is now caught between his best friend and his best girl.

As we all know, Nick does not know how to be in uncomfortable situations. Unable to lie to Jess, he walks around wearing a motorcycle helmet, which apparently turns her on ("Are we finally going to have no-kiss sex?"). The truth comes out, anyhow.

And Jess lets Schmidt have it, letting him know what a "crumb bum" he is, as Nick tries desperately to break up the tension by dancing.

 

Photo courtesy nymag.com.

Meanwhile, Winston is trying to hold down five seats at the aforementioned trendy restaurant. The poor guy is twisting himself in knots, taking bites of five entrees, telling stories about his companions' whereabouts, and leaving multiple voice mails ( his sign off, "Winnie the Bish," sounds an awful lot like "Winnie the Bitch"), while battling an impatient hostess.

Fortunately for ol' Winnie, both couples are en route. Schmidt is running stop signs, but Nick is driving like a grandma as he and Jess discuss the complications of Schmidt's situation.

"She's my best friend," Jess sighs.

"And he's mine," Nick reminds her. "That's why I didn't want to get involved."

The guy is trying to be a good boyfriend and a good friend, which isn't always easy. Schmidt owes Nick a debt of gratitude, particularly after he takes two good shots in the junk from Cece, who thinks Nick is actually the cheater, thanks to her two-timing boyfriend.

 

Photo courtesy Fox.

In an attempt to save Nick's testicles, or do the right thing, or stop Jess from telling Cece the truth herself, Schmidt finally confesses. When he tells Cece he never wanted to hurt her, it's probably the most sincere we've ever seen him. It's almost weird. We're so used to seeing Schmidt grandstanding and preening that it's a little hard to handle seeing him talking about how he doesn't know how to deal with girls being drawn to him, and how he regrets hurting Cece.

Hannah Simone's sad eyes are heart wrenching. She doesn't have much to say; her eyes say it all. And Winston just wants everyone to sit down before they really do lose the table.

Later, Nick and Jess brush their teeth, while Jess worries about Cece, asking Nick to call her phone again to make sure it's working. He can't, because he's low on minutes. "Who still has minutes?" Jess shouts, exasperated. (I literally LOL'ed. My boyfriend still uses minutes.) It's really good to see classic Nick-and-Jess arguing intertwined with romantic moments. So far, this relationship is being handled very intelligently. I'm impressed.

Less impressive, however, is Schmidt, who, despite taking responsibility for his actions in the restaurant, later lays the blame on Nick and Jess after Elizabeth comes over and smashes a pie in his face. He must have thought she would never find out, but Cece called her. Good for Cece. Elizabeth deserved to know.

Losing two girls in one night and having his face covered in pie filling proves too much for Schmidt, who vows to ruin his roommates' happy romance. Nick and Jess rush to figure out what Schmidt would do to break them up, sharing their various quirks and oddities. Jess is afraid of pears. Nick thinks the moon landing is a hoax. Jess is banned from Lake Ontario. Nick isn't convinced he knows how to read, but thinks he's just "memorized a lot of words."

On the plus side, they both think horses are aliens. What a pair (pear?).