11 Doomsday Scenarios Of the U.S. Going Dead Broke

Follow @policymic

1. All Bald Eagles grounded until further notice

2. S&P downgrades John Boehner’s skin complexion to “Peach+”

3. Medicare replaced with more cost-effective Metacare, which treats existential ailments only

4. Texas is sold

5. Statue of Liberty downsized to Statuette of Liberty

6. Arlington National Cemetery slashes staff by 100%, forcing interred to tend their own graves

7. U.S. becomes eligible to consolidate its debts and eventually settle with China for a cool $12.50

8. All nonessential prisoners sent home, while the rest are sent to a farm upstate where they’ll have plenty of room to run around

9. God stops blessing America

10. U.S. eliminates foreign aid to Neptune

11. Constitution is restored as government no longer has the resources to undermine civil liberties

How likely are you to make Mic your go-to news source?

MORE FROM

Hillary Clinton says Republicans will be the "death party" if they pass health care bill

Hillary Clinton spoke out against the Republican's proposed bill on Twitter.

It's time to redefine the clitoris, according to sex education experts

"Words matter. They shape and mold our ideas and beliefs about our purpose, our bodies, our self-worth and our place in the world around us."

Al-Jazeera becomes a target amid Qatar diplomatic crisis

Gulf states are demanding the broadcaster be shut down.

5 blocks of London apartments to be evacuated over potentially flammable cladding

800 North London apartments will be evacuated following a fire inspection that turned up evidence that the buildings could be unsafe.

Tomi Lahren wants to rally women to her side after criticizing feminists and "pro-choicers"

"My view on abortion is not black-and-white," Lahren said.

These 5 states are drafting laws to limit protests on college campuses

The legislation is intended to protect free speech on campus.

Hillary Clinton says Republicans will be the "death party" if they pass health care bill

Hillary Clinton spoke out against the Republican's proposed bill on Twitter.

It's time to redefine the clitoris, according to sex education experts

"Words matter. They shape and mold our ideas and beliefs about our purpose, our bodies, our self-worth and our place in the world around us."

Al-Jazeera becomes a target amid Qatar diplomatic crisis

Gulf states are demanding the broadcaster be shut down.

5 blocks of London apartments to be evacuated over potentially flammable cladding

800 North London apartments will be evacuated following a fire inspection that turned up evidence that the buildings could be unsafe.

Tomi Lahren wants to rally women to her side after criticizing feminists and "pro-choicers"

"My view on abortion is not black-and-white," Lahren said.

These 5 states are drafting laws to limit protests on college campuses

The legislation is intended to protect free speech on campus.