One if by land, two if by sea, three if by UFO, four if by Tardis …
The ongoing federal government shutdown may have condemned us all to suffer at the hands of an advanced race of war-bent aliens.
Area 51 exists. In August, the U.S. government finally fessed up to the secret military installation in Groom Lake, Nevada. Engineers at Area 51 purportedly develop and test specialized, top-secret aircraft for the CIA. However, conspiracy theorists know better. Area 51 exists to prevent aliens from overtaking the world.
What most conspiracy theorists don't know is that the government shutdown has shut down Area 51, leaving us vulnerable. George Knapp, who has a long history of reporting on Area 51, tweeted the following:
Govt. shutdown hits Area 51. Flights from LV to Groom Lake are suspended. Top-secret Employees furloughed.— George Knapp (@g_knapp) October 3, 2013
He discovered that Janet Airlines, the unmarked Boeing 737s that the government contracts to shuttle top-secret Area 51 employees from Las Vegas to the military installation, have stopped running. The only explanation he can give is that Area 51 is deemed "non-essential" and the workers have been furloughed.
With Area 51 shut down, the CIA is unable to continue developing and testing the very technology that the government deemed so important they were unwilling to disclose its existence for decades. While the House is busy pinching its purse and preventing Area 51 from doing its job, the aliens could be out there preparing for an all-out strike.
Erin Burnett with OutFront CNN reminds everyone to keep their priorities in order:
Sure, the Panda Cam might make life a little better, but with virtually all of Area 51 furloughed, aliens could very easily render having a Panda Cam moot. As Burnett inquires, "if aliens and an asteroid apocalypse are not considered essential, what is?"
Congress, do your job. Refund Area 51 and keep us safe from the threat of an all-out alien war.