Marissa Mayer Buys Funeral Home, Presumably to Cremate Yahoo

Marissa Mayer Buys Funeral Home, Presumably to Cremate Yahoo

Did you think Yahoo and Marissa Mayer were done making big-time flashy purchases when they purchased Tumblr? Well you thought wrong.

Mayer, the CEO of Yahoo, a search engine for those who haven't discovered Google, has purchased the oldest funeral home in Palo Alto, California. The 114-year-old Roller & Hapgood & Tinney funeral home and mortuary was purchased by Mayer for an undisclosed amount. How's that taste, Bing?! Just Marissa Mayer revamping the game in a ways Google and Bing can't even imagine. She actually purchased a place to cremate Yahoo after Google and Microsoft run it into the ground.

When was the last time anyone searched for anything on Yahoo? When Ask Jeeves was still a thing? They almost have to be buoyed by the fact that anybody who isn't an amateur plays fantasy football on their site, right? Which they changed this year, causing a huge public outcry. Do you think Google just keeps Yahoo around because they're too busy trying to invent a way to read people's minds with a monocle to make a fantasy football app? Or is it a scared straight tactic for interns?

They've leveraged a billion dollars on Tumblr because social networking sites never fail (that's why I'm typing this on my MySpace page and posting this on my Google+ wall). This is a sinking ship, and Marissa Mayer is preparing for the future. Plus, after it is all said and done, you'll still have the brand recognition that comes with Roller & Hapgood & Tinney funeral home and mortuary.

How much do you trust the information in this article?

Mike Mulraney

Media Coordinator in New York State. University of Scranton '12. Former campaign advisor. Social media veteran of federal campaigns. Two-time College Republican President, Founding Member Young Americans for Liberty - University of Scranton Chapter, Former Op-Ed writer for The Aquinas and Save Jersey, former host of The Spectrum on 99.5 WUSR FM.

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