Jezebel recently ran a hilarious satire mocking a "groundbreaking" study: "Trying on swimsuits makes women feel anxious, depressed."As if there is any woman in America who doesn't already know that shopping for a new swuitsuit makes her feel terrible!
Below, Cathy's take on swimsuit shopping is also gutsplitting – in the ha-ha sort of way, of course. And, just fyi, from the other side of the counter – from the point of view of the retail sales clerk who puts up with all the shoppers' angst and then has to re-hang all the rejects neatly back on the displays –- this process could be a whole lot simpler if we all kept our sense of humor uppermost throughout.
There is only one reason to wear a swimsuit: to swim, or otherwise play in or by the water! Strip away all the foofaraw, sex, marketing and silliness and what else do you have? Why is this so difficult? Why are our egos, self-images and competitive spirits swept up in this stupidity every year?
Ladies (and gentlemen, too), if you are not already comfortable in your own skin; if you want to turn out the lights before you disrobe – even when you're alone – you're not going to be comfortable in a modern bathing suit. That's all there is to it. So, you have three options:
1. An adorable sundress: These are seen more and more often on beaches lately, in the place of swimsuits. They are more forgiving and they go from the beach to the boardwalk and to shopping, in a smoother and more dignified way than thongs or boy briefs.
2. Go Retro: 1940's glamor is all the rage; plus these suits cover up just a bit more territory than an itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny yellow polka-dot bikini.
3. Go Vintage: Look totally awesome this year as you appear on the beach in a Victorian or Edwardian recreation bathing costume! Protect your skin and hair from UV damage, too.
The three suggestions, above, have the additional benefit of costing substantially less and/or delivering more fun per outing than some of the designer swimsuits that promise to enhance or minimize or otherwise correct your figure faults. Full disclosure from an expert: They really don't do as advertised; all that extra avoirdupois has to go somewhere!
If you're still not satisfied, however, I have two more suggestions: wear a burqa on the beach, or go naked.