Canadian Terrorists Apprehended at U.S. for Posing as Married Couple

This is the story of a married couple attempting to cross the U.S. border on their way to a Niagara Falls shopping center.  I know what you are thinking ... BORING!  But oh no no my friends, this story is quite emotional and compelling. In fact, it has terrorists and violent threats galore!

Our story starts out at the U.S. border crossing into Canada, where three terrorists a day are apprehended by our men in blue. In case you were unaware, there is a terrorist invasion going on right now and they are all coming here from Canada! Screw the Mexican border, we need a minefield on our borders to the north! 

At any rate, the extreme threat level that Canadians pose demands that the U.S. border patrol ask all sorts of invasive and meaningless questions. This is simply for your own protection citizen. So, in the process of determining whether or not our married couple were actually terrorists, a border patrol agent demanded to know what specific store they were planning to shop at. The agent's suspicions were aroused when the couple replied that they weren't sure and that they just wanted to walk around the mall for a while.

Clearly the fact that our married couple was unsure about what store they wanted to shop at could only mean one thing. They must be terrorists!  

Our intrepid agents haul the couple off to the side for further questioning. Of course, given that the couple are actually Al Qaeda terrorists in disguise, they begin demanding to know why they must obey the officers orders when they haven't done anything wrong.

Obviously, this is completely unacceptable behavior. As every good citizen knows, police officers in America have total authority over you at all times.  The police don't actually need a reason to detain you or demand you obey their orders; they can simply walk up to you and order you to do jumping-jacks if they feel like it. If you don't obey, clearly you are a terrorist.

If you refuse to obey an officer's arbitrary and capricious orders, and then have the gall to demand what the officer is going to do about it, you can bet your bottom dollar it's not going to end well for you. And this is where our story ends. With our Canadian terrorists behind bars, and a safer America for all.


 

How likely are you to make Mic your go-to news source?

Michael Suede

Michael Suede is an Austrian economist and author who holds a business degree from the University of Wisconsin. Michael's articles have appeared in numerous economics publications. Michael is also one of the few economists who is well versed in the economics of voluntary crypto-currencies such as Bitcoin. Michael is a veteran of the US Navy and an advocate of voluntarism. Michael authorizes the use of all his content under Public Domain copyright. Any organization or individual may freely republish, edit, modify and distribute Michael's works without restrictions.

MORE FROM

New Jersey bill would require kids to be taught how to interact with police

Students from kindergarten through 12th grade would receive the education.

UK Parliament hit with cyberattack

Members of Parliament had difficulty accessing their emails Saturday in the wake of the attack.

Istanbul LGBT pride march banned by government for safety concerns

A right-wing nationalist group has vowed to stop the protest.

Compounds seized by US in December reportedly contained material useful in Russia probe

The Trump administration has reportedly been considering returning the New York and Maryland compounds to Russia.

Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong Un: A timeline of their bizarre bromance

It's been a mostly one-sided love affair.

Southwest China landslide buries 120 people

It was the worst regional landslide since those in the aftermath of a 2008 earthquake.

New Jersey bill would require kids to be taught how to interact with police

Students from kindergarten through 12th grade would receive the education.

UK Parliament hit with cyberattack

Members of Parliament had difficulty accessing their emails Saturday in the wake of the attack.

Istanbul LGBT pride march banned by government for safety concerns

A right-wing nationalist group has vowed to stop the protest.

Compounds seized by US in December reportedly contained material useful in Russia probe

The Trump administration has reportedly been considering returning the New York and Maryland compounds to Russia.

Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong Un: A timeline of their bizarre bromance

It's been a mostly one-sided love affair.

Southwest China landslide buries 120 people

It was the worst regional landslide since those in the aftermath of a 2008 earthquake.