It hasn’t been a good two weeks for America. First the president comes out in support of gay marriage. Now minorities might soon become the majority. Before you know it, this once great country will be reduced to a nation having gay orgies in underground salsa clubs. And they probably won’t even have the decency to speak English either.
Thankfully, the right people have taken notice and are attempting to exploit the fears of white, conservative Americans in a campaign designed to topple Barack Hussein Obama through emasculation and racial associations. Whoa, sorry, that sentence was a typo. What I meant to say was that certain exceptional patriots are addressing the perfectly reasonable, justifiable, not-at-all racist or bigoted or xenophobic concerns that real Americans have about the state of this great nation under the so-called “presidency” of Barack Hussein Obama.
According to the New York Times, a number of Republican strategists are working with a conservative billionaire to develop and coordinate an ad campaign designed to cripple Barack Hussein Obama’s chances as re-election. Now, I know what you’re thinking; how could any real American – such as myself – stoop so low as to read that liberal rag? I confess I couldn’t resist reading such glorious news, but it wasn’t easy. Afterwards I lost my appetite, had a high fever, violent muscle spasms, and peed blood for three hours. Though that might have been the Taco Bell I had for dinner.
But back to the campaign. This work of genius – titled “The Defeat of Barack Hussein Obama: The Ricketts Plan to End His Spending for Good” – intends to portray Barack Hussein Obama as a “metrosexual, black Abe Lincoln.”
It makes sense. Barack Hussein Obama is clearly a metrosexual, perhaps even a homosexual; after all, I just read in Newsweek that he’s our first gay president. If he wasn’t, why would he support gay rights? It just doesn’t make sense. I’m not sure about the Lincoln part because Barack Hussein Obama doesn’t wear a hat or have a beard. He does want to tear this nation apart though, so I guess that’s enough. And he’s is obviously black, since he’s from Kenya.
The plan also will attempt to associate Barack Hussein Obama with his old pastor, Reverend Jeremiah Wright. This is very important – since Barack Hussein Obama has disavowed Wright’s statements and hasn’t enacted any policies that are in line with Wright’s “black liberation theology,” people have forgotten that Barack Hussein Obama is absolutely going to try to corrupt America by enacting policies that are in line with Wright’s black liberation theology! I don’t know about you, but Barack Hussein Obama’s not fooling me.
The plan also focuses on Barack Hussein Obama’s wasteful spending and how harmful it is to the country. It’s so important that this ad campaign is projected to cost over $10 million dollars. Now that is money well spent. For that you can thank Joe Ricketts, the aforementioned conservative billionaire. Ricketts exemplifies the best aspects of American innovation and tradition; he’s doing his part to make America better by waging a shock and awe campaign against America’s enemies – Barack Hussein Obama and the rest of those dirty socialists who support gay rights, government spending and fiscal regulations – and subjugating them to his own economic preference through his own personal army – the Republican Party.
Unfortunately, it looks like this plan might not be put into effect, given the backlash it has received since it was leaked by some anonymous communist sympathizer. Which is a shame. If Barack Hussein Obama wins the election, America will continue to spiral down and collapse, just like the Roman Empire. What other path could lie ahead for a country that allows homosexuals to marry, has universal health care and has lavish government spending? Just imagine the catastrophe that will occur if we real Americans allow our beliefs in God, government, race, sex and society to be defeated. Worse, imagine if there is no catastrophe. That would mean that our beliefs were wrong. That we were wrong. That is the future I’m afraid to face. And that’s the future the Republican Party and Joe Ricketts hope you’re afraid to face as well.