Everybody talks about '90s music like it was some golden age of brightly colored pants and brilliant songcraft. That's because it was. But more often than not, we're forgetting that '90s kids grew up with some of the worst music ever: '90s commercial jingles.
The word "earworm" comes from the German ohrwurm, and is used by psychologists to refer to songs that continue to repeat in a listener's ear after the song has stopped playing. It refers, in a less scientific sense, to the songs that become so deeply entrenched that even now, years later, you can't unhear them.
So proceed at your own risk. These are the songs that were burned into your childhood. One listen may bring them back. Forever.
1. Kit Kat
Kids loved it, construction workers loved it, you loved it.
Until you couldn't stop.
2. Meow Mix
"The Freshmaker" would make for an incredibly good DJ name.
4. Chili's Baby Back Ribs
If you could only take six things to bring to a desert island, would they be the five members of N'Sync and a crate full of Chili's Baby Back Ribs?
If so, I pray for your soul.
The most extremely awesome board game that, really, nobody understood. All you can really take away from this commercial is that it's exciting!
The most extremely awesome glam-metal commercial jingle was wasted on a game in which you knocked a clunky triangle back and forth across a mini-hockey rink for two hours before crying a bit and sleeping for a few more.
Poor Cavity Sam had numerous life-threatening ailments, yet he still had to suffer through a horrifying intern-training program to receive treatment.
This is why we need Obamacare.
7. Mouse Trap
Fun theme song, terrible game. Did this ever work for anybody?
8. Hungry Hungry Hippos
This jingle becomes a lot less humorous when you take into account the fact that hippos kill more humans than any other large animal in Africa.
Back when this commercial was on the air, the best part of waking up (for me at least) was playing 20 minutes of Pokemon Red before I had to catch the bus.
But now I understand.
10. Frosted Flakes
This is the best song to convince you that what your diet really needs is more sugar.
11. Baby Bottle Pop
This commercial was inescapable.
12. Wonder Ball
I wondered what was in a Wonder Ball once. I bought one, found out and never bought one again.
13. Pepto Bismol
This is by far the best of the antacid commercials. Because what's funnier than gastrointestinal distress?
People falling up escalators. And besides that — nothing.
The jingle perfectly captures that desperate feeling of scrambling through hallways and around various household obstacles to get to the bathroom just in the nick of time.
Who would want to remove that excitement from their life? Detrol is for whimps.
This is such an ominous and regal jingle, like the sounding of war drums.