Tim Tebow, 4th of July, and the 10 Reasons Why France Should Love America

France and the French people have endless reasons to mock Americans. From their dress sense or lack thereof, to their overly loud voices, baseball cap wearing heads and bulging waistlines; the French have America thoroughly stereotyped as the land of the loud and the home of KFC.

Yet, there are many reasons why France should love the country it acted as a midwife to in 1781:

1. American Football:

What a game, what a spectacle. It’s raw, it’s fiery and it’s deadly. American Football is like nothing in France. Here, you range two teams against one another and unleash some serious beatings. Plus, you get to enjoy it with wine, and pretend one of the teams is English and the other, French.

 2. Independence Day:

When the U.S. sets off on its annual celebration of becoming a nation free from the shackles of Great Britain, they are actually celebrating France. Without France’s Eighteenth Century enlightenment, its military support, and its selling of Louisiana for the price of a second-hand sock, then the United States would still be ruled by men in tweed suits, sipping tea and playing crocket.

 3. The Food:

Let’s face it, it can become quite boring to eat fantastic food and great regional delicacies, all washed down with the finest French wine over a two hour lunch break. Occasionally, France loves to indulge in the finest American culinary tradition: le burger. Merci America, for thoroughly titillating our tastebuds with your GM, E-number infested, fat sprinkled and salt drenched fast-food delicacies.

 4. The Health Care System:

The French often complain about the byzantine bureaucracy and endless form filling generated by French healthcare. Yet, when they come to the U.S. and are confronted with the expensive and deadly hydra of U.S. healthcare they will hightail their way back to France and clutch President Hollande’s knees, screaming: “Please do not send me back!

5. Politeness and Customer Care:

Anyone on that has ever visited France will know that customer service and general politeness is not a strong suit of the country. As any American visiting Paris can attest, the service can range from indifferent, to impolite and downright abusive. The U.S. though, is amazing. Everyone will wish you a pleasant day and smile, offering complementary water whilst pressing you to buy a singularly useless product.

 6. The Right to Bear Arms:

The French fear on thing more than running out of foie-gras: the perfidious British. Therefore, the right to bear arms is an attractive thing, guarding against the possible invasion of toothy Brits and ensuring that France can always come to the rescue of Americans seeking independence from British rule.

7.  Newt Gingrich:

The fact that only in America could a man this politically mad, self-obsessed and completely mad exist, is a fact that fills all French with complete satisfaction and total relief.

 8. Washington, D.C.:

A city designed by a Frenchman, with a house in the centre that was burnt by the British, if this is not French poetry in the form of urban planning, then what is it?

9. The Statue of Liberty:

What could please the eye more than a statue of a beautiful woman, standing on an island and waving a torch, welcoming immigrants to a new land of opportunity? If said statue was designed and created by a Frenchman, made in France and shipped to the United States on a French boat. Which she was.

10. Florida: 

The U.S. with the most sunshine per annum, and one which is perfectly suited to retirement for all those public-sector French people on gold-plated pensions. Here, they can enjoy the sun, sand and sea. Also, there is a high concentration of German pensioners in Florida too, making it a super place for volley-ball based rematches of Franco-German history. Anyone want to go to the: Nazi Germany versus Vichy France game? Promises to be riveting. 

How much do you trust the information in this article?

Will Birch

Specialising in Maghreb affairs, William has lived and traveled throughout the MENA region.

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