True Blood Season 5: Trailer, Spoilers and 7 Things All Non Fans Should Know

Finally, and because #waitingsucks, True Blood Season 5 is here.

Now we all will be able to know if Russel Edgington is coming back from the dead (again), and whether he kills Eric Northman or Bill Compton first (which would pose a problem for Sookie Stackhouse’s ongoing threesome).

Watch the trailer below:

But if all of this sounds like a foreign language to you, either because it’s been too long and you’ve forgotten all about this cheesy show anyway or because you’ve never watched it in the first place), look no further.

Following, 7 things all non-fan of True Blood should now to be up to date with tonight's premiere:

1. Sookie’s Threesome: 

Sookie Stackhouse, played by Anna Paquin, is the main character of the series inspired in the Charlaine Harris’s vampire books. She’s a waitress who has lived all her life in Bon Temps (presumably Louisiana) tormented by her ability to read people’s minds, until she meets Civil War-era vampire Bill Compton (played by real life husband Stephen Moyer) who she falls in love with until Eric Northman, a much older and powerful Viking-Age vampire played by Alexander Skarsgard, enters the picture.

2. Jessica “Baby Vamp” Hampy: 

Jessica is a perennial 17-year-old virgin “made” a vampire by Bill Compton as a punishment for breaking the laws of The Vampire Authority. After scaring the life out of her deeply religious and strict parents with her new vampire powers, Jessica ends up having one of the few “human-vampire” relationships with homeboy Hoyt Fortenberry just to leave him short after for his best friend – and Sookie’s hunky but brainless brother – Jason Stackhouse (played by Ryan Kwanten).

3. Merlotte’s: 

Sam Merlotte’s pub is Bon Temps’ social center; the place where the town’s inhabitants – as well as a few vampires, werewolves, witches and the like – congregate for action. Sam is a shape shifter himself who, at some point, was blamed for the serial killing of his good looking and leggy waitresses (exterminated by human psycho Rene Lenier who, before being killed by potential victim Sookie, was also the husband of waitress Arlene Fowler). 

4. “V”: 

“V” is a highly addictive and potentially lethal drug humans and werewolves (yes, it’s not only about vampires; there are also werewolves, were-panthers, zombies and all kinds of mythological creatures) are hooked on. It’s basically vampires’ blood which – either drank “from the tap” or sold in diminutive and extremely expensive vials – can give humans supernatural strength as well as instantaneously cure them of wounds and fatal diseases.

5. Tara and LaFayette: 

Tara Thornton (played by Rutina Wesley) and Lafayette Reynolds (Nelsan Ellis) are the cousins who grew up with Sookie as best friends. After having a fling with Sam Merlotte, Tara got somehow involved with evil Maenad Marianne Forrester (played by Michelle Forbes) right before being seduced and almost killed by a charming vampire. Lafayette is Merlotte's chef and, after dealing "V" got him almost killed by vampire mafias, he joined the witches who are trying defend humans from vampires. 

6. Makers and Progenies: 

A "maker" is a vampire who transforms a human into another vampire. The new vampire, also known as the "Progeny," is then able to sense when his or her maker is in danger and is supposed to go in his or her rescue by virtue of the eternal loyalty the feel for them.  

7. True Blood: 

True Blood is the commercial name of the artificial product that the Japanese have developed for vampires’ nourishment and survival so they don’t have to kill humans and drink from them (now that they are going mainstream and want to earn Vampire Civil Rights). Needless to say, vampires think True Blood sucks!