Madison Cawthorn claims he’s cool enough to get invited to D.C. sex and drug parties

To put it generously, first-term Republican congressman, alleged sexual predator, and weapon-toting seditionist Madison Cawthorn has always played it fast and loose when it comes to pesky things like “telling the truth” and “accurately describing basic events and facts.” With that in mind, you’ll forgive me if I choose to take his latest self-aggrandizing assertions that Washington, D.C. is a cesspool of sin and depravity with multiple grains of salt.

Speaking with the guns-and-god loving Warrior Poet Society podcast on Friday (“Warrior Poets are those who train and fight for higher purpose. They are members of a rare fraternity of warriors who fight with intellect, conviction, and great skill”), Cawthorn claimed that the nation’s capital so resembled the fictitious world of Netflix’s House of Cards drama series, that he himself had been invited to (gasp) a sex party, and once saw (double gasp) casual drug use.

“I look at a lot of these people, a lot of them that I’ve looked up to through my life — I’ve always paid attention to politics, guys — that, then all of a sudden you get invited to, ‘Oh hey we’re going to have a sexual get-together at one of our homes, you should come?’” Cawthorn said, when asked by host John Lovell to expand on the similarities between his experience in Congress and a show where Kevin Spacey murders a dog, and then a journalist, and then I stopped watching because feh, who needs that kind of a bummer in their life?

“‘What did you just ask me to come to?’” Cawthorn continued. “Then you realize they’re asking you to come to an orgy.”

To hammer home his point on the toxic corruption pervading D.C., Cawthorn also claimed that he’d seen prominent figures do “a key bump of cocaine” in front of him.

To be clear, I don’t doubt that there are people in Washington (and everywhere else) who have group sex, or do recreational drugs, and are, in general, probably a bit hypocritical about their whole thing. In fact, I’d be shocked if that wasn’t the case. But forgive me for being a bit skeptical of Cawthorn’s grandstanding moralization, considering he doesn’t name names of who’s committing a crime in front of a United States congressman, and also gives off a general vibe of being someone who would absolutely kill the mood of any even remotely exciting or kinky sexual gathering by incorrectly reciting the Declaration of Independence, or rattling off facts about Adolf Hitler’s vacation properties, or any other such incredibly non-mood inducing nonsense. Simply put, if someone really wanted to have a real cool swinger’s orgy with a chill and horny atmosphere, in what would is inviting this guy going to achieve that goal? I gotta call bullshit.

In any case, congratulations to Cawthorn for figuring out — either for himself, or, I’m more inclined to believe, secondhand by a much cooler, less fascist friend — that people in proximity to enormous power and wealth might be prone to vice and hypocrisy. Truly an incredible revelation. Thanks Mr. Congressman!