Thank you, Mitt Romney, for ruining Halloween

Time to Log Off is a weekly series documenting the many ways our political figures show their whole asses online.

Utah Republican Willard “Mitt” Romney is a real human being who says real human things and has real human interests. As a gagillionaire member of the United States Senate, he also wields very real power over the lives of other real people who are not gagillionaires or members of the United States Senate.

With all that in mind — his real human-ness and his real wealth and his real power — I am forced to ask with the utmost humility and sincerity: What the hell is Mitt Romney doing? Not existentially, either. I mean right here, in this series of videos and pictures, which he shared today on Twitter.

... The hell?

First off: If you’re going to dress up as Ted Lasso, a cloyingly nice fictional character from a cloyingly nice TV show about sports, but also, like, life, then perhaps you should make sure you’re not quoting a very different TV show that’s also about sports, but also, like, life. But, fine, whatever, honest mistake I guess. I mean, it’s not like folks expect Mitt Romney of all people to be on the bleeding edge of pop culture catchphrases, though at least he got the “biscuits” reference right, I suppose. And I’m sure there’s also some sort of good reason why he’s doing all this on a Thursday, not a Friday, when Halloween isn’t for another three days. I can’t, uh, actually think of one at the moment, but it’s probably there, somewhere. I hope?

Having said all that, I ask again: What the hell is Mitt Romney doing? Like, there are some pretty important things happening at the office today, my dude. Shouldn’t you be, y’know, working on those, instead of cosplaying around the Senate hallways in an effort to bolster a “nice guy” reputation that belies the fact that you were a corporate vampire long before you were a political one? Leave the costume contests to the dogs.

Also, is kowtowing to Kyrsten Sinema really the move here? I know you’re of the party that gleefully claps its hands while she goes about hacking away at the Biden administration’s domestic policies so you don’t have to, but is she really “the boss”? C’mon. It’s not like Sinema needs the ego-stoking, nor is she anything other than an unashamed chaos agent who seems to delight in throwing spanners in the works of everything for the sole sake of causing trouble. All she’s done is strike down social spending that would’ve benefitted millions of Americans.

So, Mitt. Normal human being Mitt. What’s going on here? Is this just for funsies, or to rack up those sweet, sweet hate-RTs? What’s the point of all this? Please, at least try and pretend to have a little dignity here. Or, barring that, perhaps it’s just time for you to log off.