The George R.R. Martin Open Letter That's Going Viral Is Faker Than Jon Snow's Death*

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George R.R. Martin has more on his mind than a scheming Lannister. He's still working through the sixth book of his A Song of Ice and Fire novels amid the crowing of his ever-impatient fans, while the HBO series based off his books, Game of Thrones, will now pass the novel's narrative entirely. But one thing he's absolutely not doing is going on ridiculous tirades about the deaths of characters in his books, or how much he loves William Shakespeare — or using the phrase "straight up."

An article posted on Dorkly in 2014, which claims to be an open letter from Martin in defense of his many character deaths, is so poorly written it's hard to imagine it was from the author typically labeled as our generation's J.R.R. Tolkien. For starters, he references haters of his books as "illiterate shitlords" and has a sentient caps lock button to emphasize all the finer points in the letter. This, all to say that if you think the characters in Game of Thrones have it bad, look at what Shakespeare did to practically everyone. 

"Let's just say MacBeth makes the Red Wedding look like a bridal shower," the letter reads, before ending with "That dude's a fucking psycho," in reference to the legendary playwright. 

If it wasn't clear that Martin wouldn't write this, however, he cleared the air Monday in a Facebook post. "To set the record straight this is not me," Martin writes with an accompanying link to the article. "I would not use the phrase 'straight up' to describe a character." 

However, if Martin's musings are of interest, there is a place to go: his personal blog, suitably called Not a Blog. There, he posts whatever comes to his mind, in addition to important updates on his novels (it's there that he let his fans know the sixth book would be delayed). 

Of course, don't expect Martin to shed any light on what actually happened to Jon Snow in the digital space. For that, you'll have to tune into the sixth season of Game of Thrones, which returns to HBO on April 24. 

Read more: 'Game of Thrones' Star Maisie Williams' Thoughts on Feminism Show She Should Rule Westeros

*Come on, Jon Snow isn't dead.