They seem like the perfect men: funny, sophisticated, romantic, and always on-point. But the problem with TV boyfriends — aside from the fact that they are fictional — is that they have flaws like the rest of us. We may love them, but really these guys are hardly boyfriend material.
Want to be Wife #4 for this paleontologist? Be ready to handle dinosaur-jargon, extreme jealously of your male friends, and a very loose definition of the term "break." This guy will be so insecure with your relationship that he might just send dozens of stuffed animals and a barbershop quartet to your work to stake his claim. Plus he has two kids from his previous marriages, and I'm pretty sure he’s forgotten the first one exists.
There are a lot of guys on Parks and Rec with less-than-stellar boyfriend potential (can you imagine dealing with Tom Haverford's constant entrepreneurial tendencies? You'd run out of money financing his ill-advised ventures after two weeks!), but Chris may take the cake. Next to this health food and push-up enthusiasms, you would never feel adequately in-shape again. He would want to take you on a lot of hikes and you would have to hide a stash of junk food somewhere he couldn't find it.
Let's face it; every girl (and some guys) between the ages of eight and 80 when Full House aired had a major crush on Uncle Jesse. You thanked the lord that Stephanie had the initiative to rid him of his horrible mullet. But Jesse had his downsides, too. His constant job upheaval would drive you crazy; what will it be this week — club owner, radio host, advertising executive, or band member?
And while it's admirable that he stays with his brother-in-law to raise his nieces, there's only so long you can live in a house with Joey before going crazy. So maybe Jesse could be boyfriend material — as long as you force him to move out of that damn house once you're married (Becky dropped the ball on this one).
Sure, it sounds fun to be Abed's girlfriend — you could be as nerdy as you want and he would still out-nerd you. You could cuddle up together and watch Inspector Spacetime for hours on end. But if you happen to say a single word against Die Hard or disagree with him on any of his other favorite movies, he will never forgive you.
He's also not very adept at showing his feelings, and has a disturbing tendency of assuming different personae — whether it be Batman or Inspector Spacetime himself. And deep down, you'll have to live with the knowledge that he'll never love you quite as much as he loves his BFF, Troy.
He works long, long hours as a spinal surgeon. He'll give you some excuse about going to Australia to "find his father," but he'll come back over three months later with a massive beard, a pill addiction, no coffin, no excuses, and some crazy theories about an island that you're pretty sure doesn't exist.
He's incredibly stubborn and refuses to let go of things, which will undoubtedly result in some massive future fights about you forgetting to buy milk three years ago. Jack will mend your spine and break your heart.
Ted is a hopeless romantic. Hopeless to a fault, in fact — prepare yourself for a guy who probably already has a wedding planning book (half-full) under his bed. Sure, his corny jokes can be endearing, but who wants to go out with someone who whines about wanting to find love while dating a never-ending string of girls?
He's too picky for his own good. Oh, and if you introduce yourself and he whispers under his breath, "And that, kids, is how I met your mother," run away immediately.
Don is a rich, successful ad-man living in a stunning NYC apartment and always wearing impeccably tailored suits — what's not to like?
Oh, wait, he probably neglected to tell you that he's married with three kids. But if you're willing to look beyond that and be his mistress, things won't exactly be sunny. He has some majorly troubling secrets in his past — secrets he hasn't dealt with and are likely to take to his grave. This will probably sprout trust issues for both you and him. Long, stressful days at his ad agency cause him to drink like a fish, but his coworkers do it too, so no one bats an eye. But you don't want to even imagine the major side-eye Joan will give you when she meets you.
Let's all just admit that Will spends way too much time with high schoolers than is normal. Sure, he's a teacher and glee club coach, but what kind of teacher/coach sings love songs to his students, casts himself as Rocky in the kids' production of Rocky Horror, and has one of his former students act as his best man at his wedding?
It's just creepy. In fact, he's so obsessed with his students that he's oblivious to everything else, including his first wife's faked pregnancy. Last but not least on Will's list of bad boyfriend traits? He wears sweater vests.
It's likely that Jim used to be one of your ultimate TV boyfriends back when The Office was in its heyday. But now, looking back on the series, it's pretty easy to notice how awful Jim would be as a boyfriend.
His apathy for his own career could put a strain on your relationship; will he ever get a promotion? Hopefully you wouldn't work with him — otherwise be prepared to never get work done because he would visit your desk every five minutes. And eat all your jellybeans. He would constantly enlist you to be his partner in pranking, which, while cute at first, would get annoying after the fifth Jello-submerged office supply. Plus all that goofing off would likely get the both of you fired if your boss was anyone other than Michael Scott.
I'm not saying he will trade you to his uncle for a hotel … I'm just saying it's a distinct possibility.